SAFE

I wrote the following back in 1998. This was way before having Charlotte. I was in the middle of "work hell" and couldn't see straight I was so stressed out...

All I want in this life is to feel safe.
Just take me away from the sinkholes,
the computers, the voice mails
and the cell phones.


All I need is place that’s quiet.
A place where I can smile
A place where I can just be

I don’t want any bad thoughts racing through my mind
In my place, I am simply OK
And THAT’s OK.

At night, I try to go to that safe place
I envision myself in my parent’s house on Green Oak Ridge
It is snowing outside and there is NO SCHOOL TOMMOROW
“Cobb County Schools are Closed!”
I am cozy in my bed
Under layers and layers of soft, clean sheets, blankets and bedspreads.
I always loved when it was cold enough to get out Gladys’ colorful crocheted Afghans: One for Sarah’s room (the zigzag design) and one for my room (the square design)
The weight of all the covers was so comforting and it was so heavy that I could barely move a muscle while I slept.
I’d wake up in the same position I fell asleep in….
Safe.

I feel safe with one other person
Pete
He wraps his arms around me and I feel so warm in his arms
His voice can be so relaxing and he always seems to say the right thing
His hands become silk gloves as he soothes away my fears
One time when I came home feeling stressed out
He had a bath waiting for me
And he made me my favorite thing to eat
I wanted to cry I was so happy
He didn’t see what the “big deal” was
But it meant everything to me
For a few hours, all that mattered
Was that Pete loved me
And I loved him
For a few hours, I felt safe


I also try to remember our days in Hawaii
Can you imagine a day when you just wake up and say,
“Gee, What do you want to do today?”
Swimming in the crystal blue ocean, reading books, taking long walks,
making love or just laying in bed
Drinking fresh Pina Coladas
Actually being in a good mood for more than just one day
No one knows who you are
You get no annoying phone calls from irate parents or customers
In Hawaii, you are safe.

I had a dream that Pete and I were back in Hawaii
We were in a red convertible
And we were driving in slow motion
All around us were Cherry blossoms and fields of flowers
The tiny petals are falling from the trees and it looks like snow
Everything looks surreal, like an impressionistic painting
I lean my head back, look up into the blue sky and I can feel the sun’s rays beating down on my skin.
I am glowing
We are both smiling
We have arrived
And we are safe.